During the past several years, the Community Health and Senior Services Commission has made significant strides in helping to improve senior services in Los Gatos.
Although our focus on senior services is essential, I believe we must also attend to our community’s mental health. Given the vastness of the issue and our limited authority, we must act strategically.
For me, one mental health area needing attention came to the fore after reading the Surgeon General’s report highlighting the alarming rise in parental stress levels. Over the last decade, parents have been consistently more likely to report experiencing high levels of stress compared to other adults.
When stress is severe or prolonged, it can have a harmful effect on the mental health of parents and caregivers, which in turn also affects the well-being of the children they raise. Children of parents with mental health conditions may face heightened risks for symptoms of depression and anxiety and for earlier onset, recurrence, and prolonged functional impairment from mental health conditions.
As a parent and a divorce attorney, I can attest to the pressures and challenges coming with raising children. But the report also underscores the profound impact of parental mental health on children.
I’ve often reflected on my own experiences as a child and as a parent. Growing up, my parents’ parenting style was, shall we say, unique.
Here are a few examples of my parents’ style:
The Clothes Dump: When I was a late teen, I ignored my mother’s repeated requests that I hang up my clothes. Typically, I piled them on a chair, until the chair nearly fell over. My mother repeatedly warned me there would be consequences if I continued ignoring her. One night, when I was with friends, my mother threw my clothes out the window. In the morning, I was dismayed to see my clothes on the ground in our backyard, soaked with water from the sprinklers.
The Report Card Modification: While I typically received good grades, when I was in 8th grade, I received deteriorating grades in mathematics (ie.; A, B, C, F). Terrified about how my parents might react to this, I decided to alter my report card. It was obvious even to a first grader that I’d modified the report card. Rather than going ballistic, my parents moved me into a lower track math class.
I don’t recall them saying anything to me about what I’d done. I realize now that their silence and action to lower track me was prudent. I felt so guilty about what I’d done that I never pulled a stunt like that again. I remain okay at math. As the saying goes, lawyers become lawyers because they can’t do math.
As a parent, I adopted a helicopter style, hovering over my children and pushing them to excel.
There is no one-size-fits-all answer when it comes to parenting. What works for one family may not work for another. But what’s clear is that the mental health of parents and caregivers is crucial for the well-being of their children.
Here are some key strategies for addressing parental stress:
Access to Resources: Ensure parents have access to mental health services, support groups, and parenting classes.
Flexible Work Policies: Advocate for family-friendly workplace policies, including flexible hours and remote work options.
Financial Support: Promote programs that provide financial assistance for childcare, healthcare, and education.
Education and Training: Offer workshops that teach stress management techniques and coping strategies, focusing on mindfulness, time management, and self-care.
Community Building: Encourage the formation of community networks where parents can share experiences, support one another, and build connections.
Government Initiatives: Support policies that prioritize parental mental health, such as parental leave and affordable childcare options.
Public Awareness Campaigns: Launch campaigns to destigmatize seeking help for stress and mental health issues, normalizing conversations about parental challenges.
School Involvement: Schools can implement programs that educate children about mental health, equipping them to support their parents and themselves.
Underparenting: A recent article in the New York Times by Darby Saxby titled “Parents Should Ignore Their Children More Often” suggests in addition to the usual parental stress relievers, such as family leave and paid childcare, we should create safe environments in public spaces, where children are only lightly supervised, and they can roam freely.
By combining these efforts, we can create a supportive environment that addresses the root causes of parental stress and promotes family well-being.
